Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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