Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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