you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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