naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
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I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
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How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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