Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize