my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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