dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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