I think my vagina is haunted
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize