Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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