She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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