I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
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Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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