You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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