member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize