I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's rum buckets o'clock
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize