I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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