So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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