So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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