she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize