Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize