she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize