You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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