you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
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literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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