im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
After last night, I could never be a politician.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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