Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
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so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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