Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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