It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize