youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
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It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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