honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize