just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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