Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize