We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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