i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
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and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
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Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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