So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we made out on top of his cat.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
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Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
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We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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