Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize