A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
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My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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