i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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