so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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