I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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