thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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