I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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