even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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