Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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