she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize