they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
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I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
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The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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