I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
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You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
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I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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