sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
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I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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