Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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