So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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