boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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