thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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